My husband Mike and I were married in 2006 when our first daughter was 5 months old. This made a complete family for both of us, as I brought three children into the marriage from a previous marriage, and he brought one child from a previous relationship. So, we were the happy parents of 5 kids. I found out a month after the wedding that I was pregnant again, and then within two months that I was pregnant with twins. So in 2007 we welcome our 6th and 7th children into our family.Having a large family is hard, but being married to Mike did not make it easier. He would not help in any way after we were married with any household chores, and then he only worked when he felt like it. He was constantly going through jobs, calling in sick, etc. I tried to maintain jobs in this time, along with a full-time college schedule, with he and I working opposite shifts because we were too broke for childcare. I had to quit jobs three separate times because he wasn’t watching the babies. I would come home to an utterly destroyed house, messy hungry kids, and a man either asleep or glued to the xbox. So I would get home from an 8 or 10 hour shift and have to clean house for several hours, while cuddling babies and trying to get my homework done. It was very hard, but I stuck with it because I had learned from the pain caused by my first divorce that a promise is a promise, and that life is hard but you keep moving forward.Our lives continued in this pattern, with Mike doing little or nothing except what he felt like, the kids were getting bigger, and me holding everything together. I eventually had to put school on hold for a while, as I could just not keep up with everything. Mike and I drifted apart, because I was so pissed off at him most of the time because he refused to step up and act like a husband and a father, instead of a 15 year old kid.I finally was able to go back to school in the fall of 2011, and Mike decided he wanted to try college again after failing earlier in his life. So we both attended the same local college, and this is where he met the homewrecker. She was in one of his classes, and they apparently hit it off right away. She came on to him, he went over to her house and they had sex twice.They continued to see each other through the whole of 2011, with Mike stopping by for sex and to hang out with her. They apparently ended briefly here and there, but started up again. Mike refused to leave me because our kids were little and he did not want to pay child support, and told her to wait until they were older. She decided that she had had enough of him, and moved away in 2012 to Florida to try to work things out with her ex-husband and the father of her children.I only learned of all this because she contacted him on his Facebook account, which he had left open on my laptop. I did have my suspicions about this time period, because my ‘straydar’ was going off like crazy, but could never find anything. So when this popped up, I decided to play along and get as much information as I could. Here is our fist communication:Trish: i knw you told me to not contact you threw facebook, but i just wanted you to know i still think about you and i hope ur doing ok. i hope you dnt get mad @ me ever, not for real n e ways lol my number is (removed) and if you dont want to talk on the phone my email is (removed) if you do want to talk. if you do email me I may not get it right away. If you dont contact me again i really want you to know that u will always always have a very special place in my heart, that won’t ever change no matter how far apart we r or our convos r Ive haven’t looked really for a guy to date although i am getting pretty lonely out here. I have had guys ask me out but, they r not my type as you know i m picky and ONLY want and deserve the best…… n e ways if this is really and truly good bye I do understand and i hope ur very happy. but, know this u r the only one that has made me feel truly loved and wanted || ill cherish you foreverur best friend forever,Trish Ann Wright-Dampier“Angel eyes” || Me: This is Crystal, Mike’s wife. Mike left his account open on my laptop, but I knew about you already. Would you like him? You can have him. feel free to come and get him.I am sure we could be divorced very quickly. || Trish: what r you talking about || Me: if you want Mike, you can have him. || Trish: oh iam very sorry really i never ment to hurt n e one k i didnt know it was you when i typed what r you talking about and i dont what to cause the devoce or be n e part of it ok u may not really know it but i am a very caring friend when this started i thought u were aready devoced i just really want u and him to be happy sorry to bother u || Me: no, no, don’t worry about that. I am tired of how much he lies and cheats, and more than willing to pass him on to someone else. If you want him, say the word and I will have him packed up and ready to go whenever you can get here. || Trish:i moved away to florida to stop for you both to figured out ur paths so please dnt blam me and if you want to talk w me request my friendship ill be ok with that || Me: When would you like to come and get him: || Trish: i really dnt know if it would work i live with me folks i really jus want to remain friends but, i am so sorry that he hurt you but i have to go and i will be on after 1100pm tonight ok || Me: sure || Trish: so u knw the whole time || Trish: please dnt tell him i did this again || Trish: let him decide if he wants to talk with me if not that fine too || Me: i knew, just wasnt sure how far it went. I figured you had sex/relationship || Trish: it was more like relationship sex i am so sorry that is y i had to leave from 2010-2012So I am sitting in class, messaging my husband’s booty call on facebook. Unreal. By the time I get out of class, I am mad, but totally calm. I think of all the crap I have put up with from this man, and I finally get it. I feel free. I have a get-out-of-jail free card, because I wasn’t going to break our marriage and divorce him over being a lazy, ungrateful, slothful s.o.b., but he had broken it by having an affair.I drove home that day, knowing that my husband would already be home from work. I parked the car, went into the apartment, and he could tell by the look on my face that something was definitely wrong-I was grinning from ear to ear. I told him to get his coat, and get in the car to come with me to pick the kids up from his sister’s house(she watched them after school so I could go to class). He kept asking me,” What’s wrong?”, and I just kept grinning.I got him in the car, started down the road before I asked him,”Would you like a nice divorce, or a nasty one?”. He looked stunned. I felt wicked and free and so full of power. I held the cards now, after so long of feeling utterly powerless and trapped in an awful marriage.I proceeded to tell him about the conversation with Trish on facebook, but I embellished it a lot. I told him I knew all about everything, told him her name, and that she was willing to tell me anything I wanted. He kept denying, denying. I kept yelling at him that I wanted the truth. Finally he broke and told me he cheated.It was a very tense car ride home with the kids, with both of us quiet. I spent the next couple days far away from him, except when I would ask him questions about the affair to see what he would say. I gathered info from him then finally went on Facebook to hear the ‘truth’ from Trish. My goal during this conversation is to make her think I am her friend, we are both against Mike, and I am just another poor woman who is wronged and wants the truth. To that end, I was very nice and sympathetic in this conversation, and asked a lot of leading questions. My goal was not to yell at her or slam her or call her names, but to gather information. I had messaged her on Mike’s Facebook that he had said she was a one night stand, with the goal of pissing her off and getting her mad enough at Mike to spill her guts. This is our next conversation: || •3/7, 3:43pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYou should hm if he wants to continue to lie i got several different people that new about it•3/7, 3:56pmCrystalI am just looking for the truth of everything, i believe you and what you said, it makes more sense that what he is saying.•3/7, 3:59pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokI really wanna hurt n e 1 but it is the trueth it hurts me tht he sd thatI mean don’t of course lol I’m on my phn•3/7, 4:05pmMėśşaġė Fȧcęƀöokwhat i should of did was tll you when i started feeling the way i do for him insted of waiting sorry•3/7, 5:21pmCrystalcan you tell me when all this started? I have a good idea, just want the truth from you.hes not telling me the truth•3/7, 5:26pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokSep 2010 i jus startd bsc i had a class w him the las time i was ever w him was jan 2012 i movd in march•3/7, 5:27pmCrystalthat’s fits with what i knew•3/7, 5:28pmMėśşaġė Fȧcęƀöokyea i figured he would try to lie bout it but it really isnt smart on his part•3/7, 5:29pmCrystalhe made it sound like it was just a week or two, not something that lasted for awhile. so other people knew about it?he also made it sound like he didn’t make any first moves, like it was all you•3/7, 5:37pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokThe first i did i thought he was seperatd that is my mistake but he kept cmn bck we tried to stop in oct and did 4 a bit but in dec startd again aftr my surgery in oct•3/7, 5:40pmCrystaldid you talk mainly thru facebook or was it texting and email?•3/7, 5:41pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokNope txt or he jus stop by or cll•3/7, 5:41pmCrystalwow, i just can’t believe he is still lying so bad about everything•3/7, 5:43pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYea sorry•3/7, 5:43pmCrystalhe said you guys never went anywhere or did anything, and no one else knew•3/7, 5:44pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokWe nevr wnt n e where but i do got people that knw•3/7, 5:44pmCrystalwould they be willing to message me and tell me about it?•3/7, 5:45pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYea I’m sure i cld gt them too•3/7, 5:47pmCrystalthanks. Did you guys make plans for the future?I am surprised he did not leave with you•3/7, 5:49pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokWell i didn’t really gv hm a choice he wasn’t happy i left•3/7, 5:50pmCrystaldid you know he was moving to Fargo?•3/7, 5:50pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokWhen i have tlakd w hm he asks if i wld gv hm a nothr chance if he devcd•3/7, 5:51pmCrystalwhen was the last time you talked?•3/7, 5:51pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYes he tld me whn i was fl he tld me to mv thr i sd i cldnt rght nwOct 2013We didn’t keep in contact the whole time i was in fl•3/7, 5:54pmCrystali am surprised about thathe did tell the truth about that•3/7, 5:54pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokJus problly the las couple mnths i was thr i told hm i was leaving Kevin•3/7, 5:55pmCrystali thought you were divorced when this was going on…thats what mike told me•3/7, 5:55pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokAnd mvn w my parents that’s when he ask if i wld cm to fargoI was and i choice to go bck to my ex cause i was cnfused about mike and i•3/7, 5:57pmCrystalhe really jerked both of us around•3/7, 5:58pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokTried to work w kev but it difnt work•3/7, 5:58pmCrystaldid he know about mike too?•3/7, 5:59pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYea i dnt know what id say to hm if he tried to contct me knwYes i tld hm he was gnna email hm bout it but nvr did•3/7, 6:03pmCrystalkevin was going to email mike?•3/7, 6:03pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYes to tll hm nt to c me because hs married•3/7, 6:04pmCrystalah ic•3/7, 6:04pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokKevin was in fl @ the tm•3/7, 6:08pmCrystaldid mike say he was going to get a divorce? or seperate?•3/7, 6:11pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokHe always sd when the kids gt older he wld c about a devoce but i 33 i cnt wait that’s y i left wll half the reason•3/7, 6:11pmCrystalic. child support was his fear.•3/7, 6:12pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokThe othr part is kev he stll lvs me and wantd to try againYes•3/7, 6:13pmCrystalso you wanted to see if you could work it out with kevin, because mike wouldn’t commitand mike wasn’t happy about you leaving or breaking it off with him?•3/7, 6:15pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokKev beggd me to mv in hm instd of mvn to grand forks so.. for the kids i didHe didn’t seem hppy he wantd me to go to g f because he cld cm up thr but i knw i wldnt of mvd on if he cm up there so i tld hm bout kev and i was going dwn there•3/7, 6:21pmCrystalwhen did u fnd out he was still married•3/7, 6:21pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokI tried to cll my oldest son step mom to confrim but she hasn’t clld•3/7, 6:22pmCrystalmike met the step mom?•3/7, 6:22pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokSortly after we strtdNope bt she know from me•3/7, 6:23pmCrystalok•3/7, 6:24pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokHe was tryn to gt me to date wayne but i didn’t lk hm lk thatKev was my second hus. Henry was the first he’s my oldest sons dadHenry was very cntroling•3/7, 6:30pmCrystalthat sucks, my first husband acted more like my parent, so i understand•3/7, 6:32pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYea it suckd•3/7, 6:33pmCrystalmike said he kept telling you he just wanted to be friends•3/7, 6:33pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYea rghtNope i thnk we bth did say that bt it nevr happnd untl i mvd•3/7, 6:36pmCrystalthats what i thought, like, what it takes you over a year to tell someone you just want to be friends•3/7, 6:37pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYea it was like we tryd. That but it nvr workd•3/7, 6:38pmCrystaldo you love mike? does he love you? did you guys say that?•3/7, 6:39pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokI do lv hm I’m prtty sure he does hv strong feelings for me•3/7, 6:40pmCrystalhe must, to be with you for so long•3/7, 6:40pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokI believe hr ds lv me when ur in bed togethr u cn tll•3/7, 6:41pmCrystalwas there a lot of sex?•3/7, 6:41pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokWhat i didnt that las 1 there’s a word missn i thnkYes but not alwaysBrb my mom needs my phn k•3/7, 6:44pmCrystalok•3/7, 6:45pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokIm actually bck•3/7, 6:45pmCrystalthat was fast•3/7, 6:45pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokIf u stlk wanna chatYea she clld for pizza•3/7, 6:46pmCrystaljust trying to remember what he said about stuffdid you two celebrate birthdays and christmas and stuff?did he buy you stuff?•3/7, 6:48pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokIf he dnt cr y was he asking me if id take hm bck if u 2 devocedNope••3/7, 6:48pmCrystali think he did care•3/7, 6:49pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYea•3/7, 6:49pmCrystali don’t think he’s the kind of man that can get involved with someone and not have feelingsi am sure he still does•3/7, 6:52pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokYea i knw cld tllMaybe•3/7, 6:56pmCrystalhe said sex happened after about the 4th date•3/7, 6:57pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokNo the first day 2 tmsWe knw eachothr b4 hand kev and i bth workd @ walmart but nthn startd untl 2010And i quite thr in 2007•3/7, 6:59pmCrystalwell that makes sensedid you guys use condoms or not? he never would with me•3/7, 7:02pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokNopeI gtta go eat i mght nt answer i gtta work tonght but ill gt bck to u asap. K•3/7, 7:03pmCrystalk•3/7, 7:04pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokDepending if i fall asleep or nt•3/7, 7:42pmCrystalis there anything that you think i should know? that mike is hiding?•3/7, 7:57pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokIm not sure of n e thn i hvnt tld u the only thn is that he’s askd me if i would b w hm again but i tld ya thatIf u two broke up•3/7, 8:00pmCrystalk•3/7, 8:27pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokI blockd hm off of fb i really hv nthn to say to hm rght now and i really dnt know if i would evr again•3/7, 10:24pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokHe clld bt i hv nthn to say to hm rght nw I’m nt lyn he knows it if he tlls the truth i may talk w hm again i wll gt a hold of Jennell and Henry tomrrw•3/7, 10:43pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokUnlss he don’t knw I’ve tlkd w u i cldnt tll he sd please cll s i dnt knw wut t d•3/7, 10:46pmCrystalhe isnt with me right now•3/7, 10:47pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokIm going 2 work 11 2 6•3/7, 10:47pmCrystalhe hasnt been with me all week•3/7, 10:47pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokAhIt didn’t rester a numbr cause i gt restrictions on my phn ill hv to unblck the blck or i wldnt gt n e clls unlss thr on my list•3/7, 10:51pmCrystalhis cell is 701 *******. have fun.•3/7, 10:51pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokThnks for tlln meK i may cll hm tomarrw i dnt knw•3/7, 11:20pmCrystalhe usually work saturdays from 9 to 6 or so• || 3/7, 11:21pmMėśşaġė FȧcęƀöokK. || So, I took all of the info she gave me and directly questioned Mike. He admitted to some of it, and spilled other details that she didn’t. They used to hook up at nigh when he said he was going to the local card shop, where they would hold tournaments and he was good friends with the owner. So he used his hobby as an excuse to get out of the house to get laid. He also swore up and down it was just sex, and bad sex at that.He said he had tried to tell her he just wanted to be friends, but ‘she wouldn’t let him’. I laughed. Yes, it takes 15 months to get someone to believe you want to be friends, especially when you sleep with them. He also said he tried avoiding her and changing his phone number in this time, as well as blocking her on Facebook, but she would make new Facebook pages to get through to him. Apparently he was powerless to resist her??? So I checked, and she does have 5 different Facebook pages that I know of.After everything I have learned, I don’t believe him. I don’t trust him. I have proof of his affair. I am now in a powerful position and I have decided to use it for my benefit, and the benefit of my children. So I told him we would be going to couples counseling, and he would be seeing an individual counselor, and he had to make the appointments. Imagine my surprise when he actually made the calls and set up appointments. Score 1 for me. Then I told him he had to put the Xbox and the magic cards away. He boxed up his cards and the xbox and put them in storage with no nagging from me. Score 2 for me. Next I told him he needed to get involved with a group of good men, preferably at church to help him and to role model for him. He went to church with the kids that Wednesday and reached out to some men there, who enrolled him in a Wednesday group for non-Christians to explore Christ. Score 3 for me. I told him he could miss no work, because of his habit of calling in sick all the time and quitting jobs. So far he hasn’t, but he has only been at this job for 4 weeks. We will see on that one. Finally he said, willingly, that he needed to be on depression meds and he went to the doctor to get some. Interesting. I will see if it changes anything, or if it’s just more smokescreen. || I received my papers from legal aid in the mail, and I am going to fill them out and send them in to request a lawyer. If he keeps doing what he needs to be doing, I will call off the divorce, but as for now the events are in motion. And if I do keep him and he cheats on me again, he won’t get the attempt to even try again. He will be out on his ass living in the homeless shelter before he even knew what hit him, or he can call Trish-Ann Wright Dampier and live with her at her parents house with her kids. I am sure it will be lovely. || || >
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